Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize