Quick, to the slutcave!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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