Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
is wine microwaveable?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
