running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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