I feel like abortions should bother me more
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
