you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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