Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
