youre lurking in front of me
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
