Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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