Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
