Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
