textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
