my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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