Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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