Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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