the condom got lost in my hair
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
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8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
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cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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