We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
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I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
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He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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