so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
