I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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