went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Is that strawberry winking at me??
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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