Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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