I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
