I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
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I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
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Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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