I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
