God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
