Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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