Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
