it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
