The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
