you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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