You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
