have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
