Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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