Jerry, you need to find god
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
