Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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