we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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