I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
