I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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