Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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