And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
