fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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