Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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