he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
