my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
