she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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