Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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