I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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