a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
