THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
