Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
