The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
