All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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