If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
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I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
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Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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