I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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