So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Is Oprah even human
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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