areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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