She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
