No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
