so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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