I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
