i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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