There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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