Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Sorry about my life...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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