im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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