the new term for farting is butt boxing.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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