just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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