I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
