Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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