My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
