Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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