I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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