The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
