While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
