Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
