I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
