What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
