when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
