Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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