Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
