"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
