Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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