apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
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