I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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